...or so you think. 2 years ago I extinguished my last cigarette. Relapse? A couple. While out on the booze train. Do I miss it? The idea of it. Sometimes. Rarely. Was it worth it? Have I gained something? Hell yes! Did I give up something? Not at all. Was it easy? Let's say it was more difficult than some people are trying top make us believe, but a heck of a lot easier than EVERY smoker thinks.

So how did I do it? What is my story? How did I manage to escape the addiction? Was I really that strong willed? Was I more determined than others? I don’t think so. Here’s a quick and brief summary of my journey to becoming an ex-smoker (I will obviously never be a non-smoker).

Pre-quitting:

Describing to you how much of a passionate, die-hard, ultra-radical smoker I was, is not gonna be easy using a few lines, but trust me, I was as hooked as they come. Going for lunch with my work mates? Sure. Where are we going? The mall. Which restaurant. Outside or inside? I wanna drive. Why? Coz I can determine where to park and leave enough walking distance between the entrance and my car. Time that can be used for? Exactly right, smoking! Guys I’m gonna see you in a bit, just gotta pick up this thing from that shop. Why? Right, coz I flat out lied in order to go for a smoke. Dinner with the wife. Aperitif – smoke – starter – smoke – main course – smoke – desert – smoke – coffee – smoke – walk to the car – smoke. Going out? On a good night I probably smoked 2-3 packs over a 20 hour day/night. And then another pack during the hangover period. Coffee without cigarette? IMPOSSIBLE. Meal without a smoke? ARE YOU NUTS? Smoking after sex? Hell yeah. 1stsmoke after a grueling 90 minute hardcore workout at the gym? 10 minutes if I was a good boy. Normally as soon as my heart beat slowed down enough to handle a lighter. Ever heard someone saying something along the lines of “…and even if I will be the last smoker on this planet, I will never give up smoking!!!” That had ME written all over it.

Smoke breaks during work? Minimum 10-15. Duration? 5-10min per break. When I was quick. With no socializing involved. Total time spent smoking during a work day? Probably between an hour to an hour and a half per day. That’s 5 hours per week, 20 per month. Based on 8 work hours per day, that’s almost 2.5 work days that I effectively worked less per month than a non smoker.

So with all that stupid, mind sickening attitude of being a ‘happy’ smoker, I never really had any intentions to really quit. I thought about it. Many times. I knew at the bottom of my heart that it wasn’t good. That it would take its toll sooner or later. That I can’t cheat death. That it will catch up with me. But I brushed all those thoughts away thinking, what the heck, who cares about those extra 3-4 years I save when I can’t enjoy my life to the fullest.

I’m just a smoker, a cool guy, that’s part of it.

The journey

With all of this in mind, the following happened. January 2013. At work. A colleague tells me about this book he read. Helped him quit. Allen Car. The easy way.

Heard about it. Never really gave a lot about those American self help books (turns out Allen was British). But I was curious. And I thought, why not read it just to disqualify it and make a point as being a convinced smoker. Started reading it, got bored. Put it away. Stumbled upon the audiobook. Downloaded it. Listened to it casually on the way to work. The 1st couple of chapters are self praising ‘I am the greatest coz I figured out how to quit’ chapters. Exactly what I don’t like about ‘American’ self help books. Anyway. Carried on because I was bored and in traffic most of the times anyway. And then it started to make sense, most of it. I began thinking about it. I’m not gonna recite the whole book here but basically there are a few basic points that he emphasizes on throughout the book:

Most smokers don’t attempt to quit because they are afraid they will be successful
In being successful they fear that they give something up. You don’t give anything up, you gain something.
Cigarettes don’t calm your nerves when you stressed, they just cause more stress because you want to fill the void that each cigarette creates
Each cigarette creates a neurological void that you want to fill by smoking another cigarette. Each cigarette in turn will however create a new void and so the vicious circle begins…
Smokers have more willpower than they think because they will go out of their way for a smoke, even when it seems impossible (think airport toilets and you know what I mean)
Physical craving lasts for a couple of days at most. The rest is mental and nothing else.
There is no such thing as a casual smoker. Either you smoke or you don’t
Using nicotine replacement therapy is useless coz how do you want to get rid of a toxic by consuming it through a different method
There are no addictive personalities or people who are more addictive than others
Smokers do not have different personalities than non smokers. They are not cooler nor more adventurous or tougher than non smokers (nor the other way around)

I can’t list everything here but those points are the corner stone Allen Carr’s theory and he elaborates on all the above in his book.

So I read all of that (or better, I listened to it because it was easier AND because it had that therapeutic/ hypnotic effect!) and don’t ask me why, but somehow it just made click. Allen says in his book that you should smoke while reading it. As much as you like. That you should celebrate your last cigarette for being the last cigarette in your life. I didn’t do that. I didn’t celebrate my last cigarette. I didn’t even know that my last cigarette was going to be my last one. I was just curious. Does this really make sense? So I tried. For the fun of it.

In his book, Allen says that in the beginning there will be many cravings. Many moments where your mind will ring the nicotine bells and goes: “Hey dude, we haven’t smoked in 5 hours. What’s up with that?” The trick is to acknowledge those cravings as what they are, cravings. The number of cravings will gradually decrease as you progress.

So how hard really was it? You not gonna believe me, but it was soooooo much easier than I thought. You just have to trick your mind a bit. I lasted one day without smokes. Let’s see if I can make it 2 or 3 days, a full week. After one week of not smoking (the longest you probably ever not smoked in your smoking career), the achievement seems so big, you almost don’t want to give up anymore at that point. So you say to yourself, let’s shoot for one month. By which point the number of times you think about a smoke will reduce to maybe twice a month.

Did I experience any physical reaction to the sudden nicotine stop? None! Believe me, I’m not making this up. Zero! I thought my body tingles a bit but in reality I probably just made this up. Of course I was uneasy, restless and nervous but that was perhaps more an imagination thing than a real physical reaction. But I don’t wanna over sugar coat it, the first couple of days or even the 1stweek requires active mind control. You need to monitor your thoughts and most importantly, you need to change your habits.

There’s a good book by Charles Duhigg, the power of habit, explaining how habits work. In short there are always three things to a habit. Cue – routine – reward. The cue triggers your mind to think about the routine and will tell you that there’s a reward waiting when completing the routine. So let’s say you see or smell a coffee. In the past coffee was always associated with smoking. So the cue ‘coffee’ triggers you to light a smoke (=routine) to seek that (false) sense of relaxation (=reward). By replacing routines and rewards you can re-train your brain to no longer associate one cue with a specific routine or reward. That’s a very short summary of what is in the book but basically that’s the essence of it. It probably takes a week or max a month to change your habits and that’s why the 1st month requires an alert mind that monitors all your behaviors and thoughts. But then the new routines and rewards are hard coded in your brain and become automated.

Cold turkey?

So I quit. Without any formal announcement or celebration. No facebook post, no other public announcement. I just didn’t touch another cigarette. I threw all my remaining cigarette packs away or gave it to smoking colleagues (how mean, I know…) and removed ashtrays and other smoking accessories like lighters and matches. And then I waited. Waited for something to happen. Sweat? Shaking hands? Restlessness? Anxiety? Anger? Frustration? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. As I mentioned above I didn’t use any NRTs (gum or plasters) coz I subscribe to Allen’s statement that you can’t get rid of a substance by inserting it through a different method. Your body doesn’t need nicotine and thus you don’t need to replace it.

It was so easy, I was shocked. All that time I thought I was such a heavy smoker, it would be impossible for me to quit without experiencing the most grueling withdrawal symptoms. The only thing I did experience was a very light form of insomnia. Which means that I woke up a couple of times during the first weeks but it was nothing that bothered me much. Other than that zero. Now I am of course not sure if that was just me and other people might experience more aggressive symptoms but anything beyond the one week mark is pure imagination in my point of view.

I didn’t even avoid smokers or situations where smoking is guaranteed (like bars and clubs) and it didn’t bother me. Wanna smoke in front of me? Sure, go ahead. I really didn’t mind.

So what did I gain?

I quit… and I expected great things to happen from day one of my abstinence. But it does take time for your body to adjust to the new life style. Secretly it is still waiting for you to relapse. But some effects do kick in very soon (I’m talking 3,4 days into the quitting effort). Taste and smellimproves very quickly but don’t be like me and expect a taste explosion just because you quit. Food still tastes shit if it’s shitty food but you do experience it with more intensity, more richness, more texture. It’s hard to describe but it’s just better.

I can’t remember exactly but I think it was a week after I quit that I started to smell other smokers. But not like before. More intense. And it was disgusting. I was surprised and shocked at the same time. This is how I smelled all those years? Trust me, even if you can smell cold smoke as a smoker, the stench to a non smoker is completely different and 100 times worse. I really started to be ashamed in hindsight. I thought, wow, so this is how all those people perceived me. It was (and still is) disgusting.

The permanent coughing and throat clearing stops. Your breathing gets a lot better. Gradually. I used to do sports even during my smoking career and I always thought that once I quit, my performance would go through the roof immediately. But that takes a while. It doesn’t come overnight. I think it took a good 4 months before I started to realize the effects. Now, 12 months into it, my stamina is at least 70% better than during pre-quitting days. It’s crazy. Now it’s my muscles that give up first, not my lungs. If my legs would be strong enough, I could run forever on lung performance only. That’s a vast exaggeration of course but I want to illustrate the performance increase. Now, whenever I train with a smoker, the reduced stamina is as obvious as it gets.

But, and that’s a big fat BUT, the biggest improvement/ benefit of not smoking anymore is the fact that I’m not a slave to cigarettes anymore. This by far outweighs any (obvious) health benefits. Let’s be honest. A smoker between the age of 15 and 40 probably won’t experience any ‘dramatic’ health impact yet. It will come for sure at some point but shortness of breath or bad smell doesn’t have such a great impact on your life (compared against the perceived return in ‘enjoyment’). So I believe it’s the dependency, the slavery, and the submission to a pack of smokes that bothers most smokers. Can you really enjoy a dinner in a non smoking environment? Is sitting outside in winter when it’s freezing cold or in summer when it’s super hot really that comfortable? Do you really enjoy that? Do you not think twice about going to a friends place when you know that you can’t smoke coz they don’t allow it, have a baby, etc? Left the house and forgot the smokes? Damn it, back we go. Running short on smoke supplies? Got only one cigarette left in your pack? Feeling uneasy about it? We’ve all been there.

I cannot tell you how great it is not having to worry about these things anymore. I can enjoy both indoor AND outdoor seating. I’ve got that choice now. I do not need to rush through my meals anymore just to light a cigarette. I can enjoy a coffee a lot more with improved taste buds. I don’t have holes in my pockets anymore because of the cigarette packs. I don’t need to worry about re-filling my lighters anymore (or worry about other smokers stealing them). I can travel on a plane without panicking. There’s so much more but you know it best yourself.

The physical improvement in appearance is also worth mentioning. Your skin starts feeling and looking a lot fresher. Your hair is less dirty and fresher. Once you quit a dentist visit is in order for a good cleaning session to get rid of that filthy tar residue that covers your teeth. Your tongue doesn’t have the disgusting layer anymore. Your breath is a lot fresher. You can now talk to someone face to face without worrying about your breath/ bad smell. Your clothes don’t reek of cold smoke anymore (something you will only smell once you quit). Your lips are no longer blue, super dry and cracked. You just look fresher, younger and healthier.

Relapsing

I’m not gonna lie to you. I did relapse. A couple of times. While I was out drinking. Drunk out of my mind I lit a few. That was around the 3rd month mark. I remember clearly that although I was shitfaced, I still thought, yuk, that tastes awful (my taste buds by that point had already recovered significantly) and my lung felt like exploding. I woke up the next day condemning myself. I was super down and depressed, thinking it was all for nothing. But the lesson here is that you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it too much. Don’t give into the ‘now it doesn’t matter anymore. I might as well pick it up again full time’ – thought trail. It was an accident and you understand that you didn’t enjoy it.

Conclusion

Anyone telling you that quitting is easy is not lying. In fact, it’s so easy, it’s silly. Smokers somehow have this idea of a ‘Trainspotting-like’ scenario when they quit. That they will lie in their bed sweating, cramping up with uncontrollable violent shaking. That it’s painful. Agony. Torture. I call bullshit on that. Why? Coz there’s non of the above. Feeling uneasy? Go walk it off. The only side effect I noticed is that the increased appetite (cigarettes are perfect appetite suppressors) results in an increased intake and therefore a possible weight increase. But if you utilize the extra energy and stamina by working more on your fitness, then that’s nothing to worry about.

Once you realize that you actually don’t give up anything, you have already won. There is no real enjoyment. It’s a chemical and neurological reaction to the substance of nicotine. Out of 20 cigarettes, how many of those do you think you really, really enjoy? Is it the one with the coffee in the morning? The one after lunch? Is that (questionable) ‘enjoyment’ worth the other 19, 39, 49?

Now that’s it’s almost a year ago that I quit, I can comfortably say that quitting was the best decision of my life. I know that I still have to be alert, that I could still relapse but I’m confident that I’m through with it. I am healthier, more productive, fitter, less stressed (!), less of a hazard and annoyance to my loved ones and friends, and just in general, a lot happier! The feeling of success after you quit for a long time is great. It gives you great pride and sense of achievement. Now, whenever I see a smoker standing somewhere in the corner of an ally I can’t help but to feel sorry for him/her. It’s almost like looking at a Zombie. I always thought that I’m ‘cooler’ coz I smoke. Now it’s completely the other way around. I never thought that I would ever say that. But that’s how I truly feel about it now.

So to all the smokers out there I say quit, do it. It’s easier than you think and it will change your life to the better in so many ways.

I wanted to share my story, hoping that it will inspire others to quit too.